Let me just start by saying that dating is the dumbest thing ever. Like ever, ever. Online dating is even worse. Between the horrible spelling and the sheer stupidity of people, there lies an even worse demographic : the seemingly charming, nice, and put-together dudes who secretly ask you if you’re fat. I have pictures of myself on my profile. Granted, some of them are at great angles that make me look as amazing as I actually am but there are even a couple of less flattering pictures that clearly show I am not a size 2. Inevitably, however, there it is : Do you have any full-body pictures? Seriously!? This is a thinly veiled attempt to find out if the person you’re having a conversation with is fat. And by “person”, I mean “woman”, because let’s face it…I have never asked a dude for a full-body picture to determine if he’s chubby. And honestly, if I *did* ask that, he’d probably send me a picture of his dick thinking that’s what I mean by “body”.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I get wanting to be attracted to the person you’re going to go out on a date with and potentially be naked in front of. But let’s also be completely honest about what we’re looking for. Why can’t people be honest? What’s wrong with a dating profile that states “single male in search of not fat lady to put my penis into”? That would weed out a whole crap ton of undesirable humans who only end up wasting my time. And the more I date (or attempt to date), the worse I end up feeling about myself. Depression’s a bitch.

I don’t want to get healthy for the wrong reasons, and I really want people to realize that we’re not our “full-body pictures” or the clothes we wear or the adventures we go on. I’m healthier today than I was a month ago, but that doesn’t mean I fit some idiot’s standards of beauty. And, really, if we’re going to judge people on their pictures then you need to stop posting pictures of yourself with a fish and shave your beard, Chad. We both know you’re not that manly.